What If
by LiPgLoSs aNd LeTdOwN
Summary: In 'Haunted', what if Suze got into the car with Paul after they shared a kiss- or SOME kisses? How would that change the events that followed?
1. The OTHER knight in shining armor

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What If- 

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(based on the mediator series by Jenny Carroll/ Meg Cabot)

We start with an excerpt, then jump right into my story... hope you like it ~Chels

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([Excerpt from _Haunted, _written by Meg Cabot_:])_I was tearing down the long cement steps from Paul's front door to his driveway when I heard him calling after me, "Suze! Suze, come on. I'm sorry for what I said about Jesse. I didn't mean it." 

I turned in the driveway to face him. I am sorry to say that I responded to his statement by making a rude, single-fingered gesture.

"Suze." Paul had taken his hand down from his face, so that I could see that his eye was not, as I had hoped, dangling out of its socket. It just looked red. "At least"let me drive you home."

"No, thank you," I called to him, pausing to slip on my Jimmy Choos. "I prefer to walk."

"Suze," Paul said. "It's like five miles from here to your house."

"Never speak to me again, please," I said, and started walking, hoping he wouldn't try to follow me. Because of course if he did, and attempted to kiss me again, there was a very good chance I would kiss him back. I knew that now. Knew it only too well ([End Excerpt])

"If you say so, "Paul said, doing exactly what I'd hoped he wouldn't and following me, AND trying to kiss me. And I did. Kiss him back, I mean. Why did his kisses have to feel so good? Why did they have to feel like h e really cared? Couldn't they feel- I don't know- evil, or couldn't he have B/O or really bad Breath? No he has to smell like expensive Abercrombie cologne and taste like a walking peppermint dish. His kisses have to feel like heaven on earth- godly and delicious.

What am I doing?! Paul- I'm thinking about something good about him!? What about Jesse? I love him, right? I pushed Paul away and ran down the driveway, ignoring Paul's calls, and trying to ignore the blistered pain making my feet scream as I ran. I walked as fast as I could in my stupid, expensive shoes, looking for a stupid payphone. About five minutes later I gave up hope for the stupid designer shoes on my feet. I took Jimmy and Choo (so I gave the shoes names! It's not a crime!) off and carried them. Why do expensive, cute, fashionably correct shoes never come pre-worked in?! On that thought, I continued my painful journey.

Twenty minutes- and fifty bazillion blisters- later I found a restaurant. "I'm saved!" I exclaimed, relived at the sight of something but a hot asphalt road. Figuring that any modern-day restaurant would have a working payphone, I approached the door, hobbling all the way. Guess what? It was LOCKED- and empty on the inside. I slumped down by the bottom of the door and put my head in my hands.

"Suze!" A voice called from in front of me, "Suze, I'm sorry!". It was Paul. "Please let me take you home." He said gently. I slightly raised my head, just enough to see him and his shiny silver Beamer. His gaze was on my face, but it shifted to my feet when I moved my leg and winced at the pain the movement had produced. "Oh my God!" Paul exclaimed, jumping from the car. He was over to me in seconds, a look of worry covering his face- it was a good look for him, he actually looked like he had a heart, a soul AND a conscious. "Suze, I don't care if you don't want to come with me, you are. You can't walk home like this." He said, gently picking me up and placing me in the car, careful not to put my raw, blistered feet into any more pain then they were already in.

"Thanks" I said, after a few moments of silence. Paul Slater is confusing. One moment he's trying to kill you, the next he's rescuing you like a knight in shining armor. He shook his head in reply to my thanks, for once in his life being quiet... amazing.

When we reached my house I tried to get out of the car. No success. Paul wouldn't let me. "What do you think you're trying to do!" He exclaimed, "Are you some sort of masochist or something?". I glared at him. He made a 'tsk tsk tsk' noise with his tongue, and chuckled "Let me help you." My heart, stupid thing, sped up when he lifted me up again. I could feel myself starting to blush. I led him to my room, by pointing and giving him commands such as , 'turn here' and 'up those stairs'. I gasped as we got to the door, realizing that Jesse might be in there, I prepared myself for the worst as Paul turned the doorknob. Nope- no Jesse... I seem to be getting a lot of that lately.

I gave Paul directions to the bathroom and he set me down gently on the side on the bathtub. He turned on the water, then adjusted it to the right temperature. Pulling out a tiny first aid kit from his pocket, he tenderly put some goop on my feet. The pain went away, replaced by a numbness. 

"Umm... that feels better!" I sighed. Paul chuckled, "I bet... First aid kits come in handy... I happened to have had one in my car. I grabbed it before we came in here." He looked around. "- Listen, we'd better get you cleaned up some before they pain comes back. Soap please, nurse!" Paul exclaimed, trying to earn a chuckle by imitating a doctor. I laughed, as I threw the soap at him, along with some water. He laughed at that too, "I seem to have gotten wet... and from you..."

"That could be taken so wrong!" I said, as he began to wash my feet. He smiled knowingly and said, "I know", while winking suggestively. That earned him some more water.

"Your feet are clean enough," Paul said, putting down the soap. "-It's your mouth that needs some work," He said, closing the distance between us. I kissed back- again. What is wrong with me? Jesse!.... hmm...no... Paul!... yes...my heart felt as if it had been burnt and blistered by my Jimmy Choos too...

"Oow!" I said, breaking the kiss, separating his tongue from my own. Wintery fresh. The pain had come back. "More magic goop?" I asked, making a pouty face. He smiled and put the stuff on my feet, "You know you should be doing this!"

"Did I thank you?" I asked. Paul looked sad and shook his head no. "Then thank you!" I said. Weirdly enough, Paul didn't scare me anymore... In fact, I sort of- no... I DO NOT LIKE PAUL SLATER.

"Your welcome" He answered, smiling kindly. Look at that smile, it's so- Don't go there Suze, you do not like him...

Paul picked me up again and brought me over to the bed. He set me down gently and handed me a few tiny packages. The foot goop. "I gotta go" Paul said, "sorry"

"Can you get me some band-aids first?" I asked, telling him where they were. After he delivered the bandages he left, telling me to feel better, and giving me a soft kiss on the forehead.

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Later, when my mom came home she flipped out. In the end she told me to feel better and that I would not go to school the next day. Andy cooked my favorite meal, yummy, and served me in bed. He even made Brad do the dishes on my night, and he had to be my personal butler far about fifteen minutes. It was funny to watch him taking orders from me... especially when he knew he'd be grounded if he didn't. Until he threatened to tell my Mom about Jesse if I didn't stop bossing him around- this was a double blackmail, since he was already using the Jesse thing against me so I wouldn't tell his dad about the party he and Jake were throwing when the parents went away on Friday. 

The next day, while I was painting my nails a fantabulous shade of bright orange, Cee Cee called me. She was, apparantly, at lunch, and pissed about me not being at school. Needless to say, my ear hurt pretty badly when I got off the phone, and I had a feeling that it wouldn't hurt any less later when she and Adam were coming over. 

I got flowers, two dozen red roses right before Cee Cee and Adam came over. The card read, _I'm sorry. Get well soon. Love, Paul. _I wish I had spotted it before Cee Cee had. She grabbed the thing before I was even off the bed.

"Suze and Paul?" Cee Cee asked herself out loud, "Hmm... cute. -But what about Suze and Jesse?!"

"That's what I'd like to know!" I said, "If he'd talk to me maybe I could answer that, but I don't even know if he likes me, much less if we're 'going out'! " Cee Cee gave me a 'never-mind' look and began to talk about slogans for my campaign as Vice President of the Student Government at the Mission Academy. I'm surprised I didn't fall asleep- but glad I didn't because I saw Jesse appear, then quickly disappear with a book, one that Father Dominic let him borrow. No one else noticed the disappearing book act though... they were too involved with finding a slogan- yay, big fun there... not!

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So? Good, bad, kinda good? Let me know whatcha think and I'll add another chapter, if that's what you want that is... hmm... whatever, just review! Thanks. ~Chels


	2. Things that must be known

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What If- 

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(based on the mediator series by Jenny Carroll/ Meg Cabot)

The Story Continues!!! ~Chels

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I was in the fogginess again. The reoccurring nightmare that I'd been having since that harrowing experience appeared to trouble my sleep again. It reminded me of my terror of Paul's capabilities. I may not have felt scared around him when he was playing knight to my damsel in distress the other day, but right now- trapped in the terror, remembering...that place- the thought of his existence freezes the blood in my veins... while causing me to wake up screaming and sweating profusely.

Where was Jesse- the real knight in shining armor- when I needed him? Then again, where had he been all this time since we kissed? Why couldn't he have been the one to to bring me flowers? Even some that he had picked off a neighbors shrub would have been perfect, coming from him. But **_no _**the evil guy has to be the romantic one... while the sweet guy **_totally ignored me_**!!

"Suze!" someone yelled while pounding on the door, thus interrupting my silent rant, "Suze, hurry up! We'll be late!" It was David, Doc, my youngest stepbrother.

"Coming!" I yelled, jumping out of bed and into some tight fitting, flared, khaki, hip-hugger pants and a light blue v-neck Ralph Lauren, polo type shirt. I found some comfy, worn-in pair of tennis shoes and carefully stuffed my band-aided feet into them. I put on some makeup that I had picked up at the M.A.C. counter last weekend, and put some stuff in my hair to keep it de-frizzed and shiny, then I went downstairs to see if I had time to grab breakfast.

"Grab it and go!" Brad advised, dangling 'his' car keys in my face and walking out the door. I decided against breakfast and just grabbed a bottle of water and my book-bag before following him out the door and into the Rambler.

"Ms. Simon, Father Dominic would like a word with you." Sister Ernestine informed me as I walked down the hallway to my first class. I changed direction immediately and headed for Father Dom's office.

"You wanted to see me?" I asked, entering the room.

"Susannah, yes! Come in, have a seat!" He said, a little to cheerfully. Something was up. Something I had a feeling that I would not like.

"Susannah-" Father Dominic said, exhaling deeply at the end of my name, "I need to speak with you- about...Jesse"

My eyes widened and I -unconsciously- got a stupid grin on my face. "What about him?" I asked.

Father Dominic sighed. "He...has decided to -um- move..." He said, "I, as his confessor, am to tell you goodbye for him and to give you his, and my, deepest sympathies."

My world shattered like a crystal chandelier that has fallen from twenty stories high onto a cement floor. "Wh-What?" I stuttered, on the verge of tears, "Where is he moving to? Why? Why couldn't he tell me himself?"

"Jesse will be staying in the rectory for the time being. He would not give me a reason- he seemed quite reluctant to talk about it at all... I don't know what else to say." Father Dom said. I held in my tears.

"Thank-you" I said quietly, getting up and leaving the room, I burst into tears as I shut the tear behind me. The secretary, seeing my state of un-well-being, handed me a travel size pack of tissues. I sniffled a 'thank-you', then went out of the room and made my way to my locker-where I slid down to the ground and bawled.

I cried so hard I was shaking. By the time I had run out of tears to cry there was a pile of soggy tissues at my side, along with the crumpled wrapper they had once been in.

"Where's the monsoon?" I heard someone ask, commenting on my state of wetness. I looked up to see none other than Paul himself. His presence sent me into a fresh batch of sobs, and into a vast state of confusion. I wanted to run away from him in terror, since my nightmare last night, but I also wanted to run into his strong, muscular arms- I should know that they were strong and muscular, they carried me the other day, and wrapped around me when we kissed- I was trapped between loving and loathing Paul Slater.

"Do you mind if I ask why you're crying?" He asked gently.

Through clenched teeth I muttered, "Yes."

He looked hurt for a second- no, more like a millisecond, "What did you and a certain member of the supernatural type have a fight?"

"No!" I spat. It wasn't a lie either- I never even talked to Jesse, the uncaring bastard had to go through Father Dominic like a sissy. If this is how love feels- insecure- then who needs it?! Not me.

"But this does have to do with him doesn't it?" He asked. I huffed. "Thought so...so what's wrong with him now?- he didn't do anything stupid and have a priest do his dirty work did he? I heard they did that a lot in his day." I pressed my lips together and narrowed my eyes, causing Paul to open his eyes wide in shock and form an 'o' with his mouth. He whistled loud and low.

"Don't say anything, or I'll kick your ass so hard you'll have to look up to see the ground, the sky, and your feet!" I said, forgetting my terror of him.

"Wow- ok, I won't say anything... so- you got my flowers?" He changed the subject.

"Yes-," I admitted, "They were nice."

"I can be nice too you know," Paul said, "Just look at the other day."

"I don't know what to think of you right now Paul." I said in response to his statement, : Seriously... leave a girl to die in the 'Shadowland' then leave her flowers and act all nice- it's bound to confuse people."

"You did break up!" He changed the subject, "And you're mad at me for it."

"I'm not mad at you because of **_that_**!" I said, standing up, "I'm not mad at you at all. I just don't trust-or like- you!"

He did something stupid then, he pissed me off more- by laughing his pretty little head off. "Trust? You don't trust me? Right. You let me help you- kiss you, even- and you don't trust me! Come on Suze, you know you like me too- in fact, I'd go so far as to say that you are quite 'taken' with me...although, I wish I could say that you were taken **_by_** me."

I swung at him. A nice shot too. It would have left a mark. Would have- if he hadn't caught it. Paul kissed my hand, the one that he now held in his gross, grimy, little grasp, and said, "Now, now- we wouldn't want any bruises to result of this!"

"You must be Schizo, because you and I both know that I would never be a part of your 'we'." I said, pulling my hand free of his, "I'm going now. You two go have fun somewhere **_far_** away from me."

Paul closed his eyes and sighed, then reopened his eyes and said, "Suze, look, I'm sorry." I began to walk away. He followed. "I lose myself when I'm around you. I'd do anything to be with you! I- when we were in the Shadowland I lost myself...I wanted you to learn your capabilities by getting yourself out, then fall for me because you were so happy- it backfired... At my house, I lost myself again... the only time I've been myself around you was when you were hurt... I know you don't trust me, that you're scared of me, even, but please believe me."

"Why?" I asked, "Prove you can be nice. Prove you can be human- Prove yourself to me." I stopped walking and turned around to face him.

"Suze," Said Paul, stepping closer. Despite my terror, I forced myself to stay put. "I'll prove myself to you as many times as you want. Just let me know I have a chance!" I stayed resolutely quiet. Even as the bell rang and people filled the hall, I stayed quiet, as did Paul, his blue eyes boring into my soul.

"Paul!" Kelly squealed from across the hall. "Come help me pass out candy bars!" She said, coming over to him. He still stared at me.

"Please!" He said to me. I bit my lower lip.

"Paul!" Kelly continued, getting an annoyed look on her face.

"Suze!" Paul said pleaded, sounding hurt, "Tell me!"

"Come on!" Kelly screeched at him. 

Paul remained oblivious to her- and everyone else, except me. "Tell me that I have a chance, that all hope is not lost. Tell me that if I kiss you that you'd kiss back. Tell me!"

I closed my eyes, shutting out the image of his own, pleading ones.

"Show me then." He said. I could feel him moving closer, time seemed to slow down. I could feel him cup my head in his hands and slowly lean in. 

"Don't kiss me. Don't kiss me." I thought

I could feel him kissing me. I could feel me kissing him. I could feel him pull away, and hear him whisper, "That's all I needed to know." before walking away with Kelly to hand out candy bars. I could also feel everyone's eyes on me. After all, I had just practically made out in the hallway with the hot new guy. 

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So? Good, bad, kinda good? Let me know whatcha think and I'll add another chapter, if that's what you want that is... hmm... whatever, just review! Thanks again. ~Chels


	3. Letters and Songs

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What If- 

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(based on the mediator series by Jenny Carroll/ Meg Cabot)

It just keeps on comin'!!! ~Chels

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When I got home I ran to my room, thinking that the day could not get any worse- by now I should have known never to think things like that. Once you think it, it's jinxed.

There was and envelope on my pillow. Holding my breath, I broke open the seal. The first line, the addressing part, even, broke my heart. It had, at one point, been addressed to 'Querida', but that was crossed out for 'Susannah'. The rest of the letter was no better:

"I am sincerely sorry. By now you should know of my decision to leave. You should be moving on also. I have said it a thousand times, and it is still true; you need someone else, someone alive. I know you'll find someone. I feel I would be holding you back if I stayed any longer."

The ending really did me in. It was a simple 'Farewell', and signed, not 'Jesse', but 'Hector'. I almost cried. Almost. Instead I indulged myself in a hot bubble bath, some chicken noodle soup, a bowl of ice cream- followed by some intense kickboxing... to release some pent up anger and hurt. Then I put on some black silk pajamas and absorbed myself in a good book.

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The phone rang. I ignored it.

"Suze!" Brad yelled, barging into my room.

"Heard of knocking, Monkey Brains?!" I yelled, grabbing the phone from his hands. He left the room, whispering 'Someone's PMS-ing' under his breath. I was too overloaded with emotions to react to that- much. I slammed my bedroom door at his retreating figure.

"Hello?" I answered the phone.

"Suze!" Cee Cee yelled over the line, " I heard two things about you!"

"What now?!" I said, I was in a **_very _**bad mood

"First- you made out with Paul 'Hotter Than Hot' Slater in the hallway." She said ,squealing, "And, second- that the before mentioned Slater dumped Kelly as a running mate and is now running against her for president... **_and_** he's promoting your campaign for VP."

I swear I don't know why, but I thought she just said something crazy, "Wh-what?" I stuttered for the hundredth time that day.

"It's good news Simon- it means your guaranteed a win- no one's running against you at the moment!" She said.

"Cee Cee-" I barely managed to say. I was suddenly very tired. "-I gotta go." I hung up, then practically passed out onto my bed.

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Again I woke up to "We're gonna be late Suze!". I got out of bed, threw on some black pants with cool silver buckles, zippers and chains on them. I put on a hot pink tank top with 'One Word: ME' printed in black letters across it. I slipped a pair of black leather boots, which I had already worked in- plus I wore thick socks so my feet didn't get any worse. Conscious of the time- for once- I quickly put on my silver hoop earrings, a silver necklace with a zipper pull on it, a bracelet made of safety pins and a few silver rings. Next I put on some dark make-up with glitter powder instead of blush, and I put my hair in a simple, yet cool, wavy ponytail.

Before I left I made sure my bra straps, which were black, were visible sticking out the sides of my tank. Grabbing my black nail polish, my bookbag and a bottle of water, I got into the Rambler before Doc and Dopey were even out the door.

I looked good, and I felt good- in a pissed off rebel way. I heard a few "lookin' good" 's and a whole lotta whistles that morning. Maybe the guys like when I hate my life- huh, funny... I don't! One good thing about today- I didn't see Paul... until lunch. That's when I saw-and heard-him.

I'll admit it. I was moping. Staring down at my plate. Ignoring my friends conversations. Contemplating my revenge on the whole stupid world. Suddenly everything got quiet and I head a guy start to sing- he had a good voice...sexy, if you will.

"Tell me who should I be to make you love me," He sang. I looked up from my plate, only to see Paul -standing on a nearby table- looking down on me.

"Tell me what does it mean to be alone," He cooed. I blushed. Paul -evil spawn of Satan- was singing... to me.

"Can't you see me standing, staring out from a distance, hear my cry if you'd only listen?" I was embarrassed, everyone was suddenly looking at me, then back to Paul.

"I'm out of focus, into me and you." He paused, then jumped from the table and walked towards me.

"Kiss me fool, if you care. If those words have better meaning- Playin' it cool is so unfair. Why this veil of secrecy?" He was right in front of me now, singing directly to me.

"God forbid your friends found out what we did. Why can't someone like you be with someone like me?" I froze. Guys don't do things like this for me- ever! Why should **_he_** be any different? No guys ever do the whole singing to a girl at school thing- unless they're heath ledger in _Ten Things I Hate About You _... but where did that get his character- detention.

The rest of the song was a blur. I heard it though.

"Tell me who should I be to bake you love me? Tell me what does it mean to be alone? Can't you see me standing, staring out from a distance, Hear my cry, if you'd only listen? Out of focus, into me and you.

Touch me fool, if you're allowed I'll be dancing near the corner It's so cool to play around, take your hand and come with me I'm aware that all in love is fair, But that's no reason to make me feel this way.

Tell me who should I be to make you love me? Tell me what does it mean to be alone? Hear my cry, if you'd only listen? Out of focus, into me and you-"

Ok, so I lied I didn't hear the rest of the song- I saw Jesse and didn't hear anything until Cee Cee squealed, " That was sooo sweet" Into my ear and pulled me up from my seat, then pushed me over to Paul. I was overrun with emotions. I wanted to cry, for Jesse- and to be overwhelmed by the sweetness and guts that Paul had just shown. When I looked at Jesse though, I added another emotion to my list: guilt. He was looking murderous and hurt at the same time, I take it that he hadn't known about Paul's arrival...

Meanwhile, everyone in the courtyard was staring, waiting for my reaction- including the nun's and even some tourists. I hugged Paul, then burrowed my face in his chest and cried. I wondered if Jesse was seeing this. I hoped so, he so deserved to be jealous.

Everyone burst into cheers as Paul led me away, hiding my face from everyone. I'm sure he had some idea that I hated crying- maybe it was because, when I buried my face in his extremely well defined chest, I whispered, "I hate crying, get me out of here!" just loud enough so he could hear.

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A Note: The name of the song Paul sang in this chapter was 'Kiss Me Fool' and it is by Fefe Dobson... i know she's a girl and it was a guy singing in this chapter, but i liked the lyric and thought they fit...

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So? how was this chapter? Let me know whatcha think and I'll add another. that's what you want right?!?... hmm... whatever, just review! Thanks again. ~Chels


	4. Actions, Reactions and A Lot of Talking

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What If- 

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(based on the mediator series by Jenny Carroll/ Meg Cabot)

It's 2004 now... yay!!! ~Chels

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Disclaimer: As far as I've seen, this is an original storyline. If any other story bears resemblance to mine it is by pure coincidence and truly unintentional. However, should this occur, please notify me immediately and I will check into it and react accordingly. Thank you. ~Chelsea 

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"So... you hate crying?" Paul asked, still holding me closely. I nodded my head, looking up at him. "Care to tell me why you were crying?" He asked. I shook my head 'no'.

"So I'm getting the silent treatment?" He asked.

"No." I answered.

"Are you mad at me?" He questioned.

"No." I replied.

"Jesse?" He inquired.

"A little." I answered quietly, wishing it was a lie.

"Was he out there?" Paul asked gently. He was not smiling -for once- he actually seemed concerned. I shook my head 'yes'. Paul nodded. "I'm sorry" He said quietly.

"About what?" I asked, my fit of crying over.

"If I embarrassed you... If I did anything to contribute to your tears." He said.

I smiled slightly, "A few days ago I Probably would have told you that you should be sorry- but now... I'm not so sure..."

Paul beamed at me as if I had just given him the moon from the sky. "To tell the truth, I never thought I would hear you say that- or anything like it- to me." He admitted. To say I was shocked would be an understatement- I almost fell over- I would have, if he hadn't been holding me. "Oh, really?" I asked seriously, "But you seemed so sure of yourself."

He laughed. "Seemed is the key word-" He took a deep breath, "In real life, I was running scared... The truth is- the tough guy thing- it was all a facade... I mean, I'm not a girly guy, but I'm a nice person- most of the time."  


"Mm..." I said, "So I really had the wrong impression of you, didn't I ?" A shimmery glow in the distance caught my eye- Jesse- he said nothing, just stared, then disappeared.

"Yeah, I guess." Paul answered, oblivious that Jesse had just made another surprise appearance, "So... party at your place tonight?"

I shook my head, clearing out all the cluttered thoughts running through it, " What? Party? I don't remember anything about a party." Paul pulled a bright orange flier out of his pocket and handed it to me. Suddenly it all came back to me. I sighed, "Right- that... I'm being blackmailed into not telling about it too- stupid brothers..."

"I'll come- to help you keep everything under control- we can take 'em together." Paul offered.

It was my turn to laugh. "All I have to do is make sure the cops don't come-" Jesse popped in and out again. I wish he'd stop this! He's playing with my heart like it's a freaking yo-yo. I pulled away from Paul, suddenly feeling like I needed to be somewhere else- somewhere by myself.

"Fine, but I'm still helping-Are you alright?" Paul said as I moved away.

"Yeah, just -um- seeing things" I answered, squinting my eyes closed to make my point. Paul nodded his head. For some reason I could not bring myself to leave. "That was really sweet" I said, after a moment of silence, " What you did in the cafeteria, I mean."

Paul smiled, "Thanks." He said sincerely.

"It's true!" I persisted awkwardly. "Where is everyone anyways?" I asked, it had gotten very quiet.

"Voting for student government- some people probably thought what I did back there was a gimmick to get votes... I guess, if I win for president, my 'performance' was a double success" Paul said, laughing. I laughed too. Suddenly, the hallway filled with students and everyone was instructed to go to class. I left Paul and headed towards math.

"You've got the vote so in the bag!" Cee Cee exclaimed, coming up to me. 

I laughed, "Yeah, I had no opponent! Why would I lose?". I saw Jesse out of the corner of my eye, then he disappeared.

"Oh, Debbie decided to run for VP with Kelly- she got permission yesterday." She informed me, "But she didn't stand a chance- Everyone voted for you, especially after lunch." This was going to be a very long day, I could tell.

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That night I hugged my mom goodbye. shook Andy's hand and wished them a safe trip, all the while wearing a fake smile. This would, most likely, turn out to be a night from hell. As I watched their car turn the corner out of my view, I felt a presence behind me. Turning around I saw Jesse. "Jesse!" I yelled angrily, right as he was about to disappear. I grabbed him by the sleeve and pulled him through the house, into my room. "Would you mind telling me why you've been appearing and disappearing all day? Maybe explain to me why you're messing with my mind while you're at it?!"

"Querida- I-" He stuttered.

I was not through ranting yet, "Don't 'querida' me, Jesse. What do you think you're doing?! You drop me like a hot potato when things start to heat up between us, then you keep popping up everywhere, staring, but not saying anything! What do you want from me?! I loved you, but I guess you didn't feel the same- or else you didn't feel like having that commitment... being tied down... The thought scared you didn't it!? Well guess what? The joke's on you, because I am not the type of girl to stand by and watch a guy walk all over me and mess with my heart and- what I'm trying to say is: I'm over you." Ouch, that hurt. I felt my heart rip as I was saying these things. I could never really be over Jesse. Ever. 

"Susannah, It just wasn't right... I did love you... I did... But... It wouldn't have worked. I was trying to get up the nerve to confront you, but I couldn't... so I left the note and had Father Dominic talk to you... but that made me feel horrible, so I had to come say goodbye in person... I- I'm sorry..." He said, voice sad. He hugged me. I felt my heart swell with love and sadness, I knew that me and Jesse could never be together... It was like trying to mix water and oil... I just did not want to believe it...

"Querida... I think it is time... for me to move on..." Jesse said quietly, tightening his grasp on me.

"To the rectory?" I asked, hoping that's what he meant.

"No...to the place I'll spend my afterlife..." He answered, "No matter where I go, Susannah, remember one thing- That I'll always love you... always"

I couldn't help it... I started crying, "Jesse, no!" I said, my heart breaking for the millionth time that week.

"Goodbye Querida." He said, disappearing. I couldn't help sobbing at the finality of that disappearance. I would never see Jesse again. Even though he'd hurt me, I loved him... Nothing could ever change that.

"SUZE!" Brad called from downstairs. The doorbell had rang a few moments ago. I couldn't move. I was to busy crying on the floor.

My door opened and someone rushed to my side. "Suze!" He exclaimed, it was Paul. "What happened?" Brad asked, coming upstairs. For once he was conscious of other people.

"Jesse- he- he..." I sobbed. Paul gathered me up in his arms. "It's gonna be ok." Paul murmured, "Just tell me what happened."

" He-he-Paul!" I said, hugging him, "He moved on." I whispered into his ear.

"Good God!" Paul said, "I- I'm sorry Suze." Brad got a shocked look on his face and left, thinking that something normal-or earthly at least- had happened that I would want to be alone for. Soon I heard people downstairs, I was still in Paul's arms, tears were occasionally falling down my cheek. I just wanted to be held. It hurt so bad. 

"I... I've never really lost anyone before..." I said to Paul, " I mean, my dad died, but I still see him... I never expected this to hurt so bad... I know how my mom felt now... It sucks..."

"I know" Paul said, "Death is so final... unless you're a shifter... then it comes as a shock when someone moves on."

There was a knock on my door. Paul got up to answer it. "It's Cee Cee and Adam" He said. I shook my head to tell him to let them in. They took one look at me and were immediately by my side. Paul took a seat on the window chair.

"What happened?" Cee Cee asked.

"Jesse- um- broke up with me..." I said. Adam got up and went to join Paul on the window seat, apparently this conversation was too girly for him.

" I know what will take care of sadness like that!" Cee Cee said.

"What?" I asked, curious.

"Dancing with your friends!" She said, "Go get into something a little more party-like and let's go have some fun!" I smiled weakly, then decided to give it a try. I got up and put on some party clothes- a red vinyl corset, a black mini skirt, some fishnet tights and some shiny black leather boots. I fixed my make up, then went back to stand by Cee Cee. She grabbed my hand and said, "Let's go! Come on guys!"

"Goodbye Jesse" I said as I left the room. Paul grabbed my free hand and gave it a squeeze as he heard me say that. He gave me a reassuring smile. "Everything will be alright- I promise" He said. 

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this chapter-was it good? Let me know whatcha think and I'll add another. that is what you want- right!?!? all it takes is a little of your time... Thanks again. ~Chels


	5. I See You Everywhere

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What If- 

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(based on the mediator series by Jenny Carroll/ Meg Cabot)

School takes up too much time that could be used to write this fic! See- seven whole days without an update when I already knew what was gonna be in the chapter... stupid school work kept me from writing it... that and the fact that I was sick and trying to do schoolwork... ok, story now, complaints later! ~Chels

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The party was... fun... I guess... other than the fact that at least thirty couples were in my house reminding me of what I could be doing with Jesse...God! Why couldn't he have stayed around? Not forever...just until - I dunno - I die and we can be together forever!

Jesse's influence is everywhere! His books are on the window seat. My windows were still open when I woke up this morning- and my hair is frizzy as a result. The hot tub reminds me of when we found -um- his remains. Even the Spanish channel on the TV reminds me of him... along with those "we'll give you washboard abs in thirty days or less" infomercials...

Just look at me, I'm a mess- lounging around in my bed at one in the afternoon- still in my PJ's none-the-less. All over a guy. Who would have thought: Susannah Simon, bedridden because of a boy. I would have beat the person who suggested that one senseless... but now... look at me! 

I have to stop this! I'll just... take a shower! Yeah, I'll feel better after a nice hot shower... Hot? Jesse was hot! Oh God, here I go again- Shower **_now_**! 

"Hey Suze?" Someone called through my bedroom door. I was just out of the shower, and was brushing my now dried hair.

"Yep?" I answered.

"You have a phone call..." Came the answer. It was definitely Brad, although, he was speaking a little too nicely to me..."It's Paul, I think..."

"Ok" I answered, "Thanks" I went over to the phone and picked it up, "Hello?"

"Hey Suze" Paul said, "Just callin' to check up on ya... How are you doing?"

I sighed- yes, you heard me right, sighed- then answered, "I'm okay, I guess... I've been better though... definitely."

"Right," He chuckled, "I hope so... do you wanna get out of the house?"

"Yeah, kinda -sorta- ok, yes I do." I answered, unsure of where this was going.

"Ok, so... I was thinking of a compromise... I teach you about shifting and you teach me about mediating... That way we each gain knowledge from this thing... I sound like a teacher, that's kind of scary..." He answered.

"Now?" I asked. I just lost Jesse and Paul wants me to learn about shifting? Why?

"Do you have any other plans?" Paul asked, self-assuredly.

"Well, no, but-" I answered, before he so rudely cut me off.

"- But nothing. I'm coming to pick you up in fifteen minutes... Brad said you already took a shower, so you should be ready by then. If you're hungry, we'll get you something to eat. If you're thirsty, we'll get you a drink. If you're not ready when I get there, well, then you're coming as is." Paul said, "bye now!"

"bye!" I said sarcastically, hanging up the phone. Fifteen minutes! That's not such a long time. I've taken longer to do my make-up than fifteen minutes! Lucky for me I'm already dressed and made up... he better not think this is a date... I'm not ready for a date. What would Jesse say if I went on a date? What would Jesse say about me going on a date with Paul? He'd hate me forever!

"Suze! Get down here! Paul's here!" Brad called from downstairs. Fifteen minutes, already? Hmm... time flies when you're bored to tears. 

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"So, what have we learned today?" Paul asked me two hours later as we were sitting on the beach.

"That shifting leaves you with a huge headache, and a near death experience?" I replied. 

He chuckled, "Yeah... basically." He paused, "Wait... no! That shifting can be used along with mediating skills to get rid of the little buggers even more quickly, right?"

"Whatever you say." I answered tiredly, holding my hands over my eyes. "They should give you some aspirin up there. Be like, 'Thanks for visiting, have some drugs to take away the after-effects.'."

"Hey, they're a non-profit organization, what do you expect?" Paul replied. I laughed, for a while... until I started to cry. Jesse always tried to help me when I was in pain. Why can't he help me now?!

Paul looked shocked. "I- um - okay, I didn't do it!" He stuttered. When he had gotten a hold on himself he looked me in the eyes and asked what was wrong and if I needed a shoulder to cry on, since he had two.

"I... I miss him" I said timidly, "I feel like such a baby. I never cry... but lately it seems like that's all I've been doing! I've lost my touch! I'm destined to be a blubbering fool forever!"

"No you're not!" Paul said, putting his arm around my shoulder, "You're human, and I like you for your humanity too, not just your tough side... although, that's quite a turn-on..." I laughed at that, I couldn't help myself. is it wrong that I'm feeling these things for Paul, and so soon after Jesse left? I mean, I should be wearing all black, and have a veil covering my crying eyes, and carry a box of tissues everywhere, telling sob stories to anyone who will listen. Plus, Jesse hated Paul, how can I feel this way towards the guy that my -uh- Jesse hated?

"Thanks, I guess" I replied. "Um, can you take me home? I need to take a break... wallow a little."

He frowned slightly, before putting on a smile for my benefit- which I saw right through- "Sure. This way m'lady. Your chariot awaiteth." He joked. I smiled. 

So this is how it's gonna be from now on? People having to constantly cheer me up, and stop my fits of crying? "Life is going to really suck without you Jesse." I thought, "I hope you hear that." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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Hmm... I dunno... what do you think? Too short? Lemme know and I'll keep working on the next chapter... he-he-he... ~Chels


	6. Trouble

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What If- 

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(based on the mediator series by Jenny Carroll/ Meg Cabot)

I couldn't get on the computer for a while there, sorry. My family is moving soon and we're trying to sell the house... needless to say, that requires being out of the house and away from the computer- a lot. Sorry again. B.T.W, that means that I won't be updating much for a while... which stinks pretty badly! ~Chels

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"Paul?" I asked, we were sitting in the library, studying.

"Hmm?" he responded, not looking up from his book.

"Do you think Jesse is alright, wherever he is?" I asked. It's been three weeks since he moved on, and I'm beginning to wonder if I am hanging on to his memory too tightly.

"I'm sure he's fine," He said absently, still reading the 'Encyclopedia of Paranormal', Father Dom is making us research all things ghostly, as if we don't have other things to do... like have a life!

"Actually-" Said a voice from behind me, "There's a whole bunch of unrest in the spirit realm. I'm sorry to say that Hector is one of those who is being effected by this." I swerved around so fast I almost fell out of my chair.

"Jesse? What's wrong with him?" I asked, panicked. Paul stared openmouthed at the girl standing in front of us, she looked like a life size Barbie doll.

"There's a being of some sort sucking the essence out of ghosts and taking their souls to make itself stronger. The process takes a while and is excruciatingly painful for the ghost. I'm afraid Hector is beginning to feel the pain, although it is in its earliest stages." She said.

"Who are you?" Paul asked. At the same time I asked, "What can we do to help?"

"I'm Sophia, the highest being in the realm of stage one afterlife, section three, division fifteen." She answered proudly, then turned to me, "It has come to our attention, through Mr. DeSilva, that you are a shifter and have mediating capabilities, and that you may know one or two shifters and mediators. The other higher beings and I have found that we can do nothing to stop this soul sucker, not unless we have the help of people such as yourself."

"Sign me up!" Paul said excitedly. 

I nodded my head, trying to let all of this information sink in, then quietly responded, "I'll help, but I have no clue what I can do to stop this thing."

"I have an idea where to start," Paul informed me, "Thanks to your mediating lessons."

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Two and a half hours later I found myself in the shadowland. Paul and I had used our combined knowledge of shifting and mediating and came up with a plan.

The demon, we had found out, was called Drecsuvian. It originated somewhere in Scotland and was supposedly locked up in some type of escape-proof box. Wow, I guess it wasn't so escape proof, or else he wouldn't be using Jesse's essence as a martini right about now, would he?!

Anyways, right now we're playing hide and seek with this- thing. He's hiding somewhere in the Shadowland or in one of the realms of afterlife, we're trying to find him. It's like trying to find a needle in a haystack. One way we could tell that he's been somewhere is his smell. This thing **_stinks_**! He smells like chlorine mixed with a tin can, Chinese food and half the world population's smelly feet. As Paul put it: "This dude seriously needs some cologne...and a bath!"

"I think we're getting closer" Sophia said suddenly. 

"Ya think?!" Paul exclaimed holding his hands over his mouth and nose. I followed suit, the smell had just grown.

"So, if we make it to this thing without passing out from its stench," Sophia said, "We're going to throw that blue goop you brought at it and hope it goes poof-gone-buh-bye?"

"Kinda." I answered, "We're going to throw the blue goop at it so it freezes, then we'll throw the hot pink goop at it so it will let all the souls go, then we'll throw the green goop at it so it goes 'poof-gone-buh-bye'."

Paul chuckled, "In lame-men's terms!"

"I am not lame!" I retorted childishly.

"You're right, you're just kinda...smelly." He answered. I guess you could call this flirting. A lot of it had been going on lately between the two of us. I couldn't do anything about it though, I still needed to get over Jesse.

"You two stop flirting and shut up!" Sophia interjected. "It's right around the corner. Now, hand me the blue goop!" 

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How was this chapter? Huh? Hey, yeah, I want to fix the last chapter. Does anyone have any ideas? I can't leave it as it is, I'm just weird like that. ~Chels.


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